I started to blog this morning. I deleted it. Wrote some more and deleted it again. This went on for about 30 minutes. I wanted to just get off my chest things I can’t say aloud but the more I wrote (not bad stuff just my feelings) I decided I couldn’t b/c it felt too much like I was ungrateful and complaining. So I am trying this again because the dishes can wait; right now I’m sitting on my couch and drinking my awesome coffee–seriously, mocha flavor coffee with white chocolate macadamia creamer is my downfall.
Have y’all ever felt like, well I guess the word would be BLAH. I feel blah. I wish I had someone to talk to here. I feel pretty isolated. Good neighbors, nice people but it just isn’t the same. I miss having coffee with my girls on Mondays and going to bible study on Wednesdays. I miss play date Thursdays–My friend and I say we get the girls together but really its just so we can hang out, watch SVU on my DVR and let the 2 year olds wear themselves out so they will take naps. I miss taking walks and listening to my friend’s baby talk in the stroller. I miss Sunday mornings at church where my kids love to be and I enjoyed listening to the new pastor so much. The class I attended afterwards was one of the best things I’ve been gifted with. The ladies in there are amazing and we are all crazy, old and young, married and divorced, military or not. One of the best group of women I’ve ever had the chance to be around. There were days where we were asked what we do in there because our laughter could be heard from a distance. We had fun, cried, laughed, prayed and taught each other about God. I miss them. But I am glad the kids like it here. They have a tree in the front yard and its seems to be the gathering place for the circle kids (our street is a big circle). My husband has us here now and isn’t so depressed and he already had a few buddies and a routine down before we arrived. I seem to be the only one not adjusting. I want to find a church. I want to make friends. I want to be more than the woman in the house who cleans, cooks, and helps with homework. I want to be me. I know God opened doors for us to be here and in the long run its totally worth it but I’m lonely. I know I will find my niche but I’m impatient.
I got a new camera about a month ago and I’ve been taking pictures with it. It was my early anniversary/Christmas/birthday present. I don’t usually get any of those from my husband so it was nice to get this camera. We just celebrated our nine years and my birthday is two days after Christmas so it worked out just fine. Taking pictures seems to take some of the loneliness away. Just me and my camera. I still need to buy a few more lenses to go the camera but for now one will have to do. I need to go back to the cemetery and redo the pictures I took at a different angle. Its a little hard to take great pictures when you are sitting in the car with a two year old asking what I am doing. I felt too much like I was in a bad spy movie. All I needed was a fedora and a brown trench coat. Anyway, the seasons are changing and its not cold here but I hope it gets cold soon. I don’t want to be wearing shorts on Christmas. Last year it snowed….maybe we will get it again.
I took my youngest for a walk around the trails by the WFSC (for wounded warriors and their family) and we found a butterfly garden and a waterfall. She loves anything that is water. Sorry this post is kind of all over the place. What can I say, so is my brain. I hope things change soon and I find at least one person here. Starting over is hard. Especially for someone like me who doesn’t make friends well. I am that person you have to get used to. I laugh too loud, talk too much and love hard. I can be a hand full. I just assume that if I like someone and think of them as a friend, they feel the same. Its hard being that person who just accepts people as they are and not getting it in return. Enough of this pity party. Here are some recent pictures that I took and love. I am quit fond of the butterfly photo!