28 Feb

So Sunday February 22, 2015 my baby girl (one of them) accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior.  I couldn’t be more proud of her for making that commitment and on her own.  Memories I have become clouded sometimes but that day will always be one of the happiest of my life.  There are a lot of choices she has to make in her life but that one is by far the most important.  Can’t wait to see her baptized.

On a side note, as happy as this makes me I know it will only become harder for her as she grows into a young lady and grows in her faith.  I know the challenges she is going to face and I pray that she will learn to stand by her faith.  Learn to lean on God and remember to put on her full armor every day she wakes up.  People will try to tear her down; I pray she becomes someone to build people up.  They might try and change her mind; I pray that she learns the truth from scripture, God’s word.  Whether she wants to be Tinkerbelle when she grows up or a teacher (most recent choice) I pray that she chooses wisely and follow what God wants her to do.  When she makes mistakes and she will, I pray that she never forgets the love and grace and forgiveness that comes from the Lord.

To my baby girl, Kate, I love you and maybe one day you will read this but even if you don’t I promise to be a good example on how to be a mother, a Christian, a sister, a wife and a friend.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough.  God doesn’t make mistakes and He made you perfect in His eyes.  I love you sweet girl.



Valentines Day

14 Feb

Its amusing to me that when my husband walks up to me after seven pm and gives me a sweet kiss on the lips and says, “happy valentines day, sorry I forgot what day it was.”  Doesn’t bother me one bit especially when the rest of the conversation goes like this, “That’s ok, I’d rather you forget and treat me like this every day than just once a year.” and he responds with, “Yes I should.”  That’s love.  I am thankful for a husband who stands beside me through everything.  Makes me laugh daily and even when he forgets what day it is, never forgets to give me a kiss just because he wants to.

I spent the day with one of my best friends and her family that we haven’t seen in a year.  We laughed, talked about anything and everything and celebrated her youngest son’s birthday and spent the majority of the day at the park.  The weather was amazing today and I couldn’t have asked for the day to have gone any other way.  What better way to spend Valentines Day than to be with those you love.   God is great.

           For God

             so loVed the world

                    thAt He gave His



      soN, so

              thaT whoever

believes In Him

           shall Not perish

     but have Eternal life

John 3:16

Happy Valentine’s Day.  Don’t be sad if you don’t have a valentine….Jesus is the ultimate valentine.



Food for thought

11 Jan

Its the little things.  No one wakes up thinking, “Hey, I’m going to…<insert sin>” and then does it.  No, it takes many many little things every day, weeks, months that add up to cause someone to make a huge mistake.  Pay attention to the things you do every day.  Every choice you make does change the course of other people’s lives/relationships.
With that said, it goes both ways.  Start off choosing to do something good for someone.  Don’t do it for selfish reasons because you want to feel good, do it for the glory of God.  Don’t think about failing.  Just listen to God and know that if He is leading you or putting something on your heart–HE WILL PROVIDE.  Moses didn’t speak well, look what he accomplished by listening to God.  There will always be a victory when doing the work for God.  Faith and good deeds.

I want to grow old with you

12 Nov
Scan - Version 2

November 12, 2004

Today marks ten years of marriage for my husband and I!  I have to admit;  if you asked me three days ago if I was over then moon excited I’d have told you, “Meh”.  Life has been so overwhelming and stressful lately that nothing seemed like a big deal. I’m happy we’ve made it so far when a lot of people had their doubts.  I mean really, who thinks most nineteen year olds will make it?  I knew we would.  I loved him back then and I love him even more today.  We’ve been through so much in our ten years of marriage (most of it early on) that the next ten years might not be so trying <fingers crossed>.  I know, I’m full of crap, what am I saying?  Of course the next ten years are going to be trying and the reason I say that is because of this…Marriage is not easy.  Marriage is work.  But when you put Christ in the middle of a marriage it will flourish.  There is nothing I would change.  The choices we made back then and every time after that, whether right or wrong, have led us to be where we our now.  We’ve struggled but we learned how to manage.  We’ve had fun, laughed and grew up together.  We were babies when we got married.  Just out of high school, me in college and working, him in the Marine Corps.  We didn’t know what we were doing but we did it.  We made mistakes and screwed up time and time again but we fixed it.  Let me say this too, when I say ‘we’ I don’t mean my husband and I alone, God was part of that ‘we’.  If there is one thing I can say to anyone about marriage is this:  Marry someone who loves Christ as much or more than they love you.  That is ok.  Only one person should come before your spouse and that is Him.  Never give up when things get hard because I promise you they will get hard.  Remember this also, love that person wholeheartedly, unselfishly, and have fun every day.  Life is too short to stay angry.

I found someone who won’t let me be mad at him.  He says that’s the only reason he was able to keep me because there’s no way I would have put up with his crap if I was able to stay mad.  His words not mine.  What I wish he would realize is that I can’t stay mad at him because he is my best friend, my husband, father of our kids and because my heart also belongs to Jesus.  My heart is so filled with love for Him that the relationship I have with my husband has improved.  God blessed me early in life with my husband when I know some people have to wait years to find their mate.  I know I was lucky, blessed, that I don’t want to hold on to anything that will tear it apart.  Ask me today how I feel about our anniversary, my answer is this:  I loved him then and I love him now.  Today is a milestone that I’m proud of and I am ready for the next stage in our lives.  Thank you for being my husband, my friend, my comedian, the father of our kids and my true love.

Danny, Elsa and the housewife

1 Nov

So I talked my husband into dressing up for halloween.  I love halloween.  He was Jon Snow and I was Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones.  I was so excited that for once we were dressing up and matching!  He is such a mule when it comes to that kind of stuff.  A few days before halloween I started getting nervous about my costume.  I’m not skinny and I kept thinking about how people would make fun of me for dressing up as someone so popular and beautiful when I so obviously don’t fit that description.  I contemplated taking it back, not wanting that kind of attention.  All I wanted was to have fun.  Did I mention I love halloween?  Halloween arrives and my husband even found a baby dragon to put on my shoulder so I sucked it up and wore my Danny costume with excitement.  Even though I know I looked nothing like Danny I played the part.  While we were walking the kids around I started noticing little girls staring at me with wide eyes and a grin.  I just smiled brightly and waved.  It didn’t occur to me until my husband jokingly reminds me that I’m contributing to people getting drunk every time we show up at their door (the drinking game going around online) that I was being mistaken for someone else.  I didn’t get the joke until I remembered what my four year old niece who was dressed as Elsa from Frozen yelled when she saw me, “Macole (I love how she says my name) we’re both Elsa!”  There it is.  Only a few people knew who I was supposed to be and that was because I had the dragon on my shoulder.  Of course I knew kids wouldn’t know who I was portraying so when all the little girls staring at me with joyous expression thought I was Elsa I didn’t say otherwise.  Let me just say this, I’m not a huge fan of that movie (I know–SHOCK!) but the way those cute little girls running around looking at me was so enlightening.  I’m going to stop here and skip stories for a minute but I promise I will come back around to this.  Now, listen to the song ‘Let it go’.  I have to admit, I’ve never really paid attention to the lyrics.

Ever feel like no matter how hard you try you’ll never quite fit in and always feel like a second thought to someone?  I know that feeling well.  It can make you feel like a piece of crap.  I had other thoughts but honestly, that pretty much sums it up.  I feel left out and not good enough around some pretty important people.  I feel like I just don’t matter.  <insert world’s smallest violin playing>

God has a funny way of reminding us that we really do matter.  I’ve heard this song, ‘Greater’ often and I love it.  It wasn’t until tonight when I was upset that it came on the radio while on that rare occasion I was by myself.  I didn’t know how much I needed to hear it but when it started playing I heard it in a knew way.  The lyrics meant something more to me.

Now putting ‘Let it go’ and ‘Greater’ together (not literally) you can get a sense of empowerment.  When I try to be someone else just to make people like me I’m holding back what God needs me to be.  By letting it go and forgetting that other’s think that I am not enough I can be who God has called me to be.  “Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the lord assigned to him and to which God has called him.”  1 Corinthians 7:17

The lyrics, (Greater) “Bring your tired and bring your shame, bring your guilt and bring your pain, don’t you know its not your name, you will always be much more to me…Because I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed when others say I’ll never be enough…I am learning to run freely understanding just how he sees me and it makes me love him more and more.” (Let It Go) “I don’t care what they’re going to say let the storm rage on…Its time to see what I can do.  To test the limits and break through…Here I stand in the light of day, let the storm rage on.”  As dorky and unusual as me relating these two songs together is, I can’t help but feel better.  Crazy as it sounds, after hearing ‘Greater’ tonight it made everything click about last night, here and now.  Those beautiful little girls that kept looking in awe of me or rather my costume and didn’t see the insecure, fat, lonely, unimportant person that I am made to feel.  They saw me as a beautiful and important person.  The same way God sees me.  Time and time again I go over this in my head.  Its one of my biggest flaws–forgetting how wonderfully I am made.  Last night I won’t lie, I was annoyed everyone (and by everyone I mean adults) thought I was Elsa but my husband said this to me, “Who cares that no one got your costume, you made those little kids happy when they saw a real grown up Elsa.”  Sometimes that man make sense ;)  I need to look at myself as God sees me (I know, same old story different verse–I said it was a bad flaw of mine) and like through the innocence of a child.  They don’t see the same things adults do.  They didn’t see an overweight house mom playing dress up.  They saw something beautiful.  <SIGH> Ok, enough of that.  I’ll leave you with this and be done. :)  Pictures of last night of who I was supposed to be verses who I was thought to be and who I really am (in costume and out).  Also, my kids b/c they were too darn cute!  And my little Elsa who thought it was awesome we were dressed the same and saw nothing but beauty.


20141031_201108 DSC_0249

My beautiful niece as Elsa20141031_202956

Pinkie Pie, Captain Rex and GarfieldDSC_0233

This is who I am.  I’m a mom.20140715_174026_2  I’m a wife.


The woman made in God’s image.


City on our knees

18 Oct

It seems my faith has been directly or indirectly been thrown in my face.  Between the state of Arizona legalizing homosexual marriage and the ebola outbreak; things from the past and the Mayor of Houston subpoenaing several pastor’s sermons I’m feeling as if everything I believe is wrong.  I know it isn’t wrong but society keeps telling me that it is.  I will not back down.  They say that if I don’t accept what the world feels is right then I’m judgmental or homophobic, or self-righteous.  And it really sucks that some of my family is so judgmental towards me b/c of these things.  I know how some of them feel about particular  topics and I’ve never once told them they were wrong, just that I don’t agree.  I’ve learned to pick and choose my battles but I have to say, its getting more difficult by the day to live in a world where I offend people just because I believe differently.  Doesn’t matter if I state that opinion out loud; because they know what’s in my heart, I’m automatically wrong because they think so and they hold that grudge whether they know it or not.  Doesn’t anyone know the truth of the words of God?  My heart is sadden.

I’ve always felt that I could never be a missionary outside of the U.S.  I’ve never wanted to be.  I know that sounds wrong and honestly I know I should feel differently but this is where my heart is.  One of my bffs and her family are planning a mission trip to Africa.  First off, don’t get me started on the ebola crap b/c she won’t listen–stubborn woman.  Secondly, I love that she has a heart for missions and it makes me feel bad that I don’t feel the need to go over there or any where for that matter.  She pointed out to me that God puts things on our hearts and this is something she feels she should do.  It made me realized that America still needs a lot of help here.  We are failing as a nation to take care of our own and if everyone leaves to mission out of the country who is going to help ours?  My heart is at home, not overseas.  This country is going to crap faster than it has in the past.  Our nation has always been on a moral decline and so forth but lately it has declined quickly.  If we don’t stand up for what is the truth then how can anyone expect things to get better?  I’m not the first Christian to be persecuted and I won’t be the last.  I will stand and fight.

I know God has something planned for me.  I can feel it within the depth of my soul and I know it will be monumental.  I just don’t know what it is.  I can say from past experience that I’ve always been the one to plant a seed.  I’ve never been the one to help it grow.  I’ve never personally brought someone to Christ.  In sunday school we’ve started a new lesson on this.  When I found out my heart leapt with excitement and nervousness.  I know something is going to happen and I’m going to need to know this.  I’ve grown up in church but never has my walk with Christ been so involved as it has been in the past three or so years.  It has taken our family to be moved to another state, away from anyone I knew, my husband being deployed and me living on my own for the first time in my life (with three young kids of course) to bring me where I am now.  I’m not anywhere close to where I need to be.   In fact, I will never get tired of learning about the the truth.  There is so much more I have to learn in order to keep growing in my faith.  Every time I open my bible I find something new.  Even if I’ve read it before, underlined it, I still get something new out of it.

I’ve been praying, asking for guidance.  Like stated before, I know something is coming and I know I need to be ready.  I’m scared and nervous but I know that God will give me the words to say.  Most of the time I feel like Moses; not a great speaker, scared that I’ll say something wrong.  God’s got this.  I had conformation tonight about my feelings.  I came across bible verses, all in different places.  I didn’t know what I was looking for but I just knew I needed something.  Ironically the verses I found tonight were already underlined–I just needed a reminder.

As a nation we need to step up, not be scared and fight for this country.  We need to be a city on our knees.

I know that y’all probably won’t understand why I needed to be reminded of these verses but they were what I needed to see.  I’ve been under a lot of attacks lately and this just gives me the reassurance that no matter what comes my way, I will not deny my Father in heaven.  He will take care of me.  He is the Alpha and the Omega-the beginning and the end.

I am the way the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  John 14:6

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.  Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.  2 Timothy 2:15-16

And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.  2 Timothy 2:24-26

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction faithful in prayer.  Romans 12:12

I am only one person but if we all rally together and stand for the truth, not back down when the devil tries to tear us apart we will succeed.  I’ve never felt this strongly about this kind of thing before but as a Christian I can not stand by and not do something.  God has placed this on my heart and I can’t ignore Him.

Suck It Up, For You Are Dearly Loved

17 Aug

My best friend got married today.  Jamie and I have been friends since third grade–that’s 21 years.  We made it through so much.  Separate high schools, miles and states apart.  She went to college and I got married and had kids and the military lifestyle took over.  But through all that today I was her matron of honor–something I’ve always hoped I would be.  I was there to help her pick out her wedding dress, there for every fitting and wouldn’t have had it any other way.  But with every step of her wedding plans my insecurity started to make its way inside my head, make me doubt things.  My entire life Jamie has been the pretty one, the curvy one, the girl that guys notice.  Me?  Well, its amazing how something so long ago can make me cringe thinking about it now.  I was the ugly, fat friend.  The tough one.  The sporty one.  I was never thought as beautiful.  I thought I’d let that feeling go a long time ago.  That feeling of being invisible or unworthy.  Not up to par.  I’m comfortable wearing basketball shorts, not wearing makeup.  I am so comfortable with who I am (minus my weight) that I like how I look without makeup.  <sigh>……Nope, still have that unworthy feeling when I’m next to her.  How insane is it for me to feel so crappy on such a great day?  All I wanted for myself was to look pretty.  Feel pretty, standing next to one of the most important people in my life and I shuttered looking at the pictures on my camera.  I can’t get past how nasty I look.  How overweight I am.  For all the wishing and wanting to look good, it wouldn’t have mattered.  Here I was sweating through my t-shirt and shorts as I set up all the chairs and tables.  I loved helping her mom and sister get things together for the wedding but dang if I wished I was with Jamie staying cool and calm getting her makeup professionally done in the next room.  Her hair was amazing and mine was thrown together by two clips after trying to dry the sweat from my hair with a flat iron, which I got distracted from and burned the skin off my forehead 15 minutes before the wedding.  Ever had to put makeup over a fresh burn wound?  It hurts.  So here I felt like a mess.  I looked a mess. I just wanted to be as pretty as my friend and that didn’t happen.  Doesn’t help that after I got home and collapsed on the bed that my husband says, “When are you gonna wash that crap off your face?”  Ha!  Yep, he HATES when I wear makeup so that was icing on the cake.  Of course my woman brain is thinking he could have said, “You look nice.”  Just one more punch to the gut I guess.  Well you know what?  This is where I get over myself, wash my face, put on my yoga pants and wrap my hair in a pony tail just thankful I’m out of those shoes and into my camo crocs.  Imagine how much better I felt.  Still doesn’t keep me from cringing at the wedding photos that I can only hope turned out better by the professional photographer.

So what is the point to my whiney rant on how crappy I felt and how completely 100% selfish I sound about my best friends wedding?  Honestly, it didn’t hit me until about an hour ago when I was reading my bible and decided that even though I kept all these thoughts in my head, put on a (genuine) smile for the wedding that God knew exactly what I was thinking.  He knew that I was judging myself and comparing what I look like to her.  I also know He didn’t like it.  There are two things that I am trying to remember.  1.  That God loves me.  He loves me the way I am because I am perfect in His imagine.  He created me.  2.  No matter what I may be feeling on the inside, someone else could be seeing something different.  If I continue to show God’s love through my actions and words then that will shine brighter than the zit that was so perfectly place on my face for the wedding.  Word of advice…don’t ever do a face mask three days before an important occasion.

So I am sucking it up.  I will never be what society thinks is beautiful but at least I know that God thinks that I am.  Besides, isn’t He the only opinion of me that matters?  FOR I AM DEARLY LOVED! AND SO ARE YOU!

“There fore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”  Colossians 3: 12-14



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